{"id":112,"date":"2009-04-04T01:58:47","date_gmt":"2009-04-03T23:58:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/?p=112"},"modified":"2009-04-04T02:04:38","modified_gmt":"2009-04-04T00:04:38","slug":"den-forbannade-osakerheten","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2009\/04\/04\/den-forbannade-osakerheten\/","title":{"rendered":"Den f\u00f6rbannade os\u00e4kerheten"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Har haft en bra dag med tr\u00e4ning, god sallad och trevligt s\u00e4llskap. Men p\u00e5 kv\u00e4llen fick jag bes\u00f6k av den f\u00f6rbannade os\u00e4kerheten som s\u00e4ger att jag inte duger, det var ett tag sedan senast och jag hade inte saknat den det minsta. Stora t\u00e5rar hade den med sig ocks\u00e5, s\u00e5 nu sitter jag h\u00e4r med eftersl\u00e4ntrarna plufsiga \u00f6gon. F\u00f6rst\u00e5r verkligen inte varf\u00f6r jag ska bli s\u00e5n, igen. Har motat bort det mesta nu i alla fall och ringde och gr\u00e4t lite i <strong>MN<\/strong>&#8217;s \u00f6ra, fast han f\u00e5r skylla sig sj\u00e4lv eftersom han sagt att jag alltid kan g\u00f6ra det. Nu m\u00e5r jag b\u00e4ttre och jag ska m\u00e5 \u00e4nnu b\u00e4ttre i morgon, det ska jag se till. Hela min kropp skrek efter onyttigheter f\u00f6r ett par timmar sedan men som tur var hade jag inget hemma. <a href=\"http:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/04\/090404.jpg\" rel=\"shadowbox\" title=\"Dags att sova, glaset \u00e4r tomt.\"><img data-attachment-id=\"113\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2009\/04\/04\/den-forbannade-osakerheten\/attachment\/090404\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/04\/090404.jpg\" data-orig-size=\"661,498\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Pepsi Maxen \u00e4r slut.\" data-image-description=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/04\/090404-300x226.jpg\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/04\/090404-600x452.jpg\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"http:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/04\/090404-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"Pepsi Maxen \u00e4r slut.\" title=\"Pepsi Maxen \u00e4r slut.\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" class=\"alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-113\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/04\/090404-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/04\/090404-290x290.jpg 290w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\" \/><\/a>I morgon kommer jag b\u00f6rja dagen med en promenad i det f\u00f6rhoppningsvis mycket vackra v\u00e4dret och sen ska dagen forts\u00e4tta i samma positiva anda. (Sj\u00e4lvpepp in progress.)<\/p>\n<p>Jag vet precis vad det \u00e4r som g\u00f6r som f\u00e5r mig att k\u00e4nna som jag gjort ikv\u00e4ll, har varit d\u00e4r f\u00f6rr. Men jag v\u00e4grar att falla in i gamla vanor med sj\u00e4lv\u00f6mkan, nedv\u00e4rdering och framf\u00f6r allt tr\u00f6st\u00e4tning. F\u00f6r jag m\u00e5r inte b\u00e4ttre av det, bara s\u00e4mre.<\/p>\n<p>Jag duger, s\u00e5 det s\u00e5! Ska bara f\u00e5 inte det i min skalle igen. Nu dags att sova eftersom Pepsi Maxglaset \u00e4r tomt.<\/p>\n<div class=\"sharedaddy sd-sharing-enabled\"><div class=\"robots-nocontent sd-block sd-social sd-social-icon sd-sharing\"><h3 class=\"sd-title\">Dela:<\/h3><div class=\"sd-content\"><ul><li class=\"share-twitter\"><a rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\" data-shared=\"sharing-twitter-112\" class=\"share-twitter sd-button share-icon no-text\" href=\"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2009\/04\/04\/den-forbannade-osakerheten\/?share=twitter\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Klicka f\u00f6r att dela p\u00e5 Twitter\"><span><\/span><span class=\"sharing-screen-reader-text\">Klicka f\u00f6r att dela p\u00e5 Twitter (\u00d6ppnas i ett nytt f\u00f6nster)<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-print\"><a rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\" data-shared=\"\" class=\"share-print sd-button share-icon no-text\" href=\"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2009\/04\/04\/den-forbannade-osakerheten\/\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Klicka f\u00f6r utskrift\"><span><\/span><span class=\"sharing-screen-reader-text\">Klicka f\u00f6r utskrift (\u00d6ppnas i ett nytt f\u00f6nster)<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-pinterest\"><a rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\" data-shared=\"sharing-pinterest-112\" class=\"share-pinterest sd-button share-icon no-text\" href=\"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2009\/04\/04\/den-forbannade-osakerheten\/?share=pinterest\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Klicka f\u00f6r att dela till Pinterest\"><span><\/span><span class=\"sharing-screen-reader-text\">Klicka f\u00f6r att dela till Pinterest (\u00d6ppnas i ett nytt f\u00f6nster)<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-end\"><\/li><\/ul><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p class=\"excerpt\">Har haft en bra dag med tr\u00e4ning, god sallad och trevligt s\u00e4llskap. Men p\u00e5 kv\u00e4llen fick jag bes\u00f6k av den f\u00f6rbannade os\u00e4kerheten som s\u00e4ger att jag inte duger, det var ett tag sedan senast och jag hade inte saknat den det minsta. Stora t\u00e5rar hade den med sig ocks\u00e5, s\u00e5 nu sitter jag h\u00e4r med eftersl\u00e4ntrarna plufsiga \u00f6gon. F\u00f6rst\u00e5r verkligen&hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2009\/04\/04\/den-forbannade-osakerheten\/\">Read more &rarr;<\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"sharedaddy sd-sharing-enabled\"><div class=\"robots-nocontent sd-block sd-social sd-social-icon sd-sharing\"><h3 class=\"sd-title\">Dela:<\/h3><div class=\"sd-content\"><ul><li class=\"share-twitter\"><a rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\" data-shared=\"sharing-twitter-112\" class=\"share-twitter sd-button share-icon no-text\" href=\"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2009\/04\/04\/den-forbannade-osakerheten\/?share=twitter\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Klicka f\u00f6r att dela p\u00e5 Twitter\"><span><\/span><span class=\"sharing-screen-reader-text\">Klicka f\u00f6r att dela p\u00e5 Twitter (\u00d6ppnas i ett nytt f\u00f6nster)<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-print\"><a rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\" data-shared=\"\" class=\"share-print sd-button share-icon no-text\" href=\"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2009\/04\/04\/den-forbannade-osakerheten\/\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Klicka f\u00f6r utskrift\"><span><\/span><span class=\"sharing-screen-reader-text\">Klicka f\u00f6r utskrift (\u00d6ppnas i ett nytt f\u00f6nster)<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-pinterest\"><a rel=\"nofollow noopener noreferrer\" data-shared=\"sharing-pinterest-112\" class=\"share-pinterest sd-button share-icon no-text\" href=\"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2009\/04\/04\/den-forbannade-osakerheten\/?share=pinterest\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Klicka f\u00f6r att dela till Pinterest\"><span><\/span><span class=\"sharing-screen-reader-text\">Klicka f\u00f6r att dela till Pinterest (\u00d6ppnas i ett nytt f\u00f6nster)<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"share-end\"><\/li><\/ul><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[19],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p23rAr-1O","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1792,"url":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2011\/10\/06\/allt-annat-an-det-jag-borde-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":112,"position":0},"title":"Allt annat \u00e4n det jag borde","date":"06 oktober 2011, 14:45","format":false,"excerpt":"Obligatorisk seminarium nummer 2 p\u00e5g\u00e5r just nu, b\u00f6rjade i morse vid 08 och h\u00e5ller p\u00e5 till i morgon kl 18. Och jag har inte gjort ett enda inl\u00e4gg, dels f\u00f6r att det \u00e4r s\u00e5 himla tr\u00e5kigt s\u00e5 att jag har sv\u00e5rt att motivera mig till det och dels f\u00f6r att\u2026","rel":"","context":"I &quot;om barnl\u00f6sheten&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5052,"url":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2017\/06\/02\/i-morgon-galler-det\/","url_meta":{"origin":112,"position":1},"title":"I morgon g\u00e4ller det","date":"02 juni 2017, 22:26","format":false,"excerpt":"I morgon \u00e4r det dags, mitt andra marathon. Hj\u00e4lp. Jag som sedan l\u00e4nge slutat vara nerv\u00f6s inf\u00f6r lopp (jag var exempelvis inte nerv\u00f6s inf\u00f6r NY marathon) har sedan ig\u00e5r kv\u00e4ll g\u00e5tt med fj\u00e4rilar i magen. Jag sov oroligt och hade n\u00e5gon sorts mardr\u00f6m om att jag missade starten. S\u00e5 ja,\u2026","rel":"","context":"I &quot;om l\u00f6pningen&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":434,"url":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2009\/07\/04\/ensam-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":112,"position":2},"title":"Ensam","date":"04 juli 2009, 01:29","format":false,"excerpt":"Har f\u00f6r mindre \u00e4n en timme sedan kommit hem fr\u00e5n Gotland d\u00e4r jag varit n\u00e5gra dagar. Min styvsyster bor sedan n\u00e5gra \u00e5r tillbaka d\u00e4r och jag har varit allt f\u00f6r d\u00e5lig att h\u00e4lsa p\u00e5, det h\u00e4r var faktiskt min f\u00f6rsta bes\u00f6k trots att hon bott d\u00e4r ett par \u00e5r. F\u00f6rra\u2026","rel":"","context":"I &quot;m\u00e5 bra&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3870,"url":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2015\/05\/05\/pa-vag-ner-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":112,"position":3},"title":"P\u00e5 v\u00e4g ner","date":"05 maj 2015, 22:05","format":false,"excerpt":"Jag k\u00e4nner det. Tr\u00f6ttheten. \u00c4tandet. Bristen p\u00e5 mitt naturliga leende. Kortare stunder k\u00e4nns det som det ska, sen stunder av dystrare hum\u00f6r. K\u00e4nslan av meningsl\u00f6shet. B\u00f6rjar komma allt n\u00e4rmare ett h\u00e5l, ett h\u00e5l jag inte vill falla i. Varf\u00f6r? Nej, det \u00e4r inte bara foten \u00e4ven om den \u00e4r en\u2026","rel":"","context":"I &quot;om barnl\u00f6sheten&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":185,"url":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2009\/04\/23\/jag-vet\/","url_meta":{"origin":112,"position":4},"title":"Jag vet...","date":"23 april 2009, 02:13","format":false,"excerpt":"...att det borde ha varit sovdags f\u00f6r l\u00e4nge sedan, men jag \u00e4r mig lik tyv\u00e4rr. Sitter i s\u00e4ngen och funderar p\u00e5 tapetval och jag tror jag har best\u00e4mt mig. Det \u00e4r n\u00e4mligen dags f\u00f6r mig att f\u00e5 nya tapeter i hela l\u00e4genheten med start i morgon - underbart! De ringde\u2026","rel":"","context":"I &quot;om barnl\u00f6sheten&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2272,"url":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/2013\/01\/02\/begravning-i-morgon\/","url_meta":{"origin":112,"position":5},"title":"Begravning i morgon...","date":"02 januari 2013, 23:33","format":false,"excerpt":"...och jag har redan ont i huvudet. K\u00e4nns lovande, verkligen lovande. B\u00e4var s\u00e5 inf\u00f6r morgondagen och \u00f6nskar att jag slapp den. I morgon blir det s\u00e5 d\u00e4r verkligt igen. Att han inte finns. Att han aldrig kommer finnas mer. Framf\u00f6r mig ser jag hur han ligger i kistan, som han\u2026","rel":"","context":"I &quot;om vardagen&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/112"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=112"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/112\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":117,"href":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/112\/revisions\/117"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=112"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=112"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hoppfull.nu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=112"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}